DIARY

Quick life update: Leaving Toronto?

I don’t know if it’s 100%, but we’ve been talking about the possibility since I was pregnant. Eventually we decided not to, however the topic has resurfaced and this time it may be for real?

It’s not permanent. There’s no way I’d leave Toronto for a long period of time (again), I love it here (that’s why I came back). We want to move to a smaller town so that my boyfriend can take over his parents chinese restaurant for a bit (stereotypical I know) before selling it off. Make a quick (not so quick) buck you know? We talked about it and the minimum duration would be a year and maximum would be up until before Dawn (5month old daughter) can start kindergarten.

How do I feel? Horrible at first. Still horrible. I’m a very very sentimental person and I get homesick really easily. We used to work almost every holiday at his parents restaurant to help out and we’d stay overnight, sometimes for a few days. Even such a short time made me emotional and miss Home. But the more I thought about the benefits, and emphasized to myself, that it’s all just temporal… I started thinking more positively. I’m starting to feel a little more excited about the whole thing.

My guinea pig can get a bigger cage and maybe I can get him a gal ( he used to have a wife and three kids but we don’t talk about that story I get too emotional). I can finally put his cage in the living room! Boyfriends parents aren’t too fond of the pig (they come home few times a week so we live with them ) so he’s kind of stuck in our room. I’ve always felt incredibly guilty but maybe I can redeem myself in the future.

There were little thoughts about how my family doctor and OBGYN is located here, in Toronto. My health seems okay to the point where I don’t think I’ll need to see my doctor specifically for things. My daughter is turning six months in a few weeks so we can vaccinate her before leaving and the next vaccine would be when we turns one. So far I can’t think of any issues big enough for me to not go with the plan. I still want to finish my GED but I already initially gave myself a deadline to do it within a month so sometime in August is good. No problem there. I can do my G1 drivers test up there, in fact it’ll be easier to pass my G2 there as well simply because it’s a small town. I’m just slowly thinking about problems, solving them and just cancelling them out.

Let’s talk about the pros and the things I can be excited about. I can focus on my hobbies! While everyone else works I’ll be the same full time mom I am now except no one will be around. I can spend time improving this blog, drawing and get back into dancing. I have many hobbies but these are the ones that are most likely possible to do even with a baby. I was always into uploading my Jpop and Kpop dance covers onto youtube. I’ve done so for years on and off. It truly brings me joy when I’m dancing but I’m shy so I don’t do it while others are around which is the main reason for the constant reoccurring hiatus (youtube has changed a lot over the years especially with copyright so I hope I won’t encounter too many problems. Focusing on this blog and possibly uploading reviews and hauls onto youtube? I don’t know if I can resume my streaming hobby on twitch, but if I do it would totally be for jokes and giggles, rather than being fully committed.

We’ve talked about mending my relationship with my older brother and making him help us out at the restaurant. He can live near us and it sounds great but will he forgive me? We had a falling out while I was still pregnant last year and I feel really regretful. If he does come along he can get rid of that underpaying, overworking his ass, job of his. Living near him again would be like the old days. We can play Mario kart together perhaps? Talk about league of legends… HE CAN FINALLY MEET HIS NIECE LOL

Ahh… speaking of family members it’d be sad to be further away from my mom. She loves the crap outta her grand daughter. I hope she will manage without my help. She’s an immigrant and doesn’t know much English and her youngest son (my younger idiotic brother) isn’t too reliable. She constantly has financial problems being on welfare and all. Soon my younger brother will be old enough that child tax benefits will be out of the picture. How will she pay rent? She had surgery at the end of 2016 and her wound still hurts (they did a sh*tty job and stitching it up). Shes old and frail so job hunting isn’t really ideal (not to mention the huge language barrier). I know worrying and worrying won’t help her situation not will it make me feel better but I can’t help it. I’m a natural born worry wart, stressing about everything and not solving much. Depression and anxiety likes to play with my mind a lot.

That’s about it. Somehow this post turned into a rant haha. I don’t really have a conclusion to all of this but this is life right? C’est La Vie~ I’ll just need to tread through the waters (I actually can’t swim. My childhood instructor told me he’s never seen anyone sink like me before). Even if I solve all problems, new problems will surface so take it easy right?

Here’s a picture of my daughter to end this post/entry. Isn’t she cute?